Up the creek: Louder than a Screamin' Eagle

One morning this spring, I was up early and at my desk, writing, at 5:19 a.m. when a motorcycle came cruising in toward the crossroads here in Gilmanton. It was a Harley, I’m pretty sure, based on the ragged syncopated rhythm of its engine — that warm, throaty sputtering that seems to growl “potato, potato, potato” — and there was no doubt the rider had dropped a grand or so to modify his pipes to make his bike louder. The thing was deafening. It was also alone and, as its mating cry caromed about — as it woke everyone up and as my old home’s windows rattled in their casings — there was something plaintive and sad about the whole scene. Why did this dude need so much attention? What is it about males that so often they thirst to exercise dominion over the soundscape?

I wish I could deliver you answers, but such questions are age-old and the focus of myriad chin-scratching research papers. Please don’t expect me to come up with a cure for toxic masculinity in the narrow confines of this column, timed though it is to honor the 101st edition of Laconia Motorcycle Week, which will bring tens of thousands of bikers to our region between June 8 to 16.

I am likewise unable to solve the culture war now raging over motorcycle noise. In California, and also in New York City, residents have convinced lawmakers to install noise-detecting cameras so that loud drivers can be caught and penalized. Motorcyclists are meanwhile doubling down, refining the art of engine amplification. What do you want me to do about it?

As a journalist, I can only deliver you an alarming piece of news: The male homo sapien now has at its disposal a new device that could make a loud Harley sound as quiet as a gently purring kitten. It’s not a motorcycle. Please meet the train horn gun which, as manufactured by California-based BossHorn, is an electric drill emptied of its guts, rewired and affixed with an air compressor and four horns capable of generating a high-pitched 150 decibel sound generally associated with an approaching locomotive.

Scarcely covered in the news media, the BossHorn, which starts at $160, is a viral phenomenon on YouTube, where one supposedly funny staged video has garnered 83 million views. Set in India, the clip captures a man walking along with a huge ceramic bowl of water atop his head. A youth perched on a nearby pole blasts a BossHorn in the man’s ear. The man convulses, plunges to the ground and then the water drenches him as the bowl shatters. Other staged videos prescribe BossHorn as the ideal tool for parents eager to wake a laggard teenager and for restless Lotharios who want to “break up with a girlfriend in 15 seconds.”

The BossHorn isn’t the only train horn on the market, but it was the first to come with a remote control. As the company, founded in 2022 by a pair of newly arrived Ukrainian emigres, has sold thousands of units, it’s cultivated an ardent fan base. “I love it,” one user wrote recently on the BossHorn website. “Wife not so much.”

“Our boss was looking for a loud horn to use at a company event,” reads another review. “BOY, DOES THIS DO THE JOB !!!!”

I spoke to BossHorn co-founder Dmytro Voznyi, 33. As he sat in his Tesla Model X, Zooming with me, he came across not as a connoisseur of noise, but rather as a genius who found a way to monetize the American fetish for stirring mayhem.

Q: Why did you want to make a product that generates so much noise? Are you a fan of loudness?

A: I'm a fan of creating products and selling them online. I sold products online in Ukraine for 15 years — kids’ toys, sex toys, kitchenware. The month I moved to the United States, I looked at the other train horns, and I said, “We can do better. We can make this horn remote control.”

Q: What is the advantage of having a remote control?

A: You are limited only by your creativity. Some people use it for pranks. Some people use it for graduations, others for celebrating.

Q: I guess that with a remote control you can make noise but not be in the noise.

A: Exactly. Do you see that Can-Am Spyder? [Voznyi points to the four-wheeled motorcycle in his driveway.] I have the horn gun in the luggage box and the remote on the steering wheel. Our horn is a fun toy.

Q: But who buys it?

A: So many different kinds of people. We have lifeguards and firefighters who use it for real emergencies. We’ve had a bunch of DJs and artists who purchased it to make loud sounds for crowds.

Q: Are there many women buying these horns?

A: If a woman buys it, it’s so she can give it to a man as a present.

Q: Online, I’ve watched videos of someone using a train horn to roust a teenager late for school. Do you think the video will inspire real-life parents to do the same?

A: No. We are just creating a lot of fun videos that go viral. And when people buy the horns and then test them, they will see that they’re really loud — even louder than they seemed on YouTube, when the sound was coming through a little phone speaker. They’ll decide, “No, I’m not going to do that.”

Q: Globally, more and more people are experiencing hearing loss thanks to loud noises. Are you worried that this horn will deafen people?

A: Yes, it may happen but someone could be killed with a knife, and is that a reason to not use knives at all?

Q: So a train horn needs to be used responsibly?

A: Exactly.

Q: How does someone do that?

A: Don’t put the horn close to someone's ear. Point it away from people. And use ear protection.

Q: Does the train horn come with ear protection?

A: BossHorn comes without ear protection. But you just gave me an idea. I think I’ll add it.

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Bill Donahue lives in Gilmanton and is the author of "Unbound: Unforgettable True Stories From The World of Endurance Sports.” This column is adapted from his online newsletter Up The Creek.