The Saturday Night Live Season 51 finale featured the highly anticipated “Weekend Update” joke swap between Colin Jost and Michael Che — once again forcing the duo to read raunchy punchlines written by the other.
Che then read a joke that Jost wrote for him, sharing, “A new study finds that the average length of an erect penis in the country is 6.34 inches. Oh boy, that means I’m only 6 inches below average. Now I just have to figure out how to get erect.”
Jost then recited, “Michael B. Jordan won best actor for his role in the vampire movie Sinners. A Black vampire is just like a white vampire, except the only thing it sucks dry is the welfare state.”
“Colin!” Che exclaimed.
To that, Jost continued, “Now, that was just a joke. I’m not a racist. And to prove it, I, Colin Jost, hereby pledge this season’s salary to Dr. Umar’s School for Black Boys. Now, y’all might not know who that is, but the brothers at home is nodding they heads. And if that’s not enough, I have a beautiful new ferry ready to give any Black person a free one-way trip back to the motherland.”
Next, Che read a joke written by Jost that claimed men are “less likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction if they drink grape juice.” A photo of a young boy drinking a juice box was then displayed, as Che added, “which explains why my boyfriend is always rock hard.”
He continued, “Speaking of giving little boys juice — you’re a terrible person — the movie Michael won the box office again this weekend, and since a few members of the Jackson family are actually in the audience tonight, I wanted to take a moment to tell everybody what I really think. Michael Jackson did nothing wrong! He was right to molest all those kids! And they were lucky. I would have paid him to do it. And I did. That’s right, when I was 10 years old, Michael Jackson molested me. And the only thing it gave me was a fetish for middle-aged white women.”
For Jost’s next joke, written by Che, he read, “Ye has released a new album called Bully. So please try to separate the art from the artist and remember that Ye can make awful music and still be right about Hitler.”
He added, “Now, that joke is offensive to everybody, and I do apologize. I’d like to sacrifice the most important thing in my life: my beautiful, award-winning, world-famous hair. That’s right, I’m shaving it off. Send in the barber.”
That’s when a man with a razor ran in and put a cape over him. Jost then declared, “Jerome, make me unpretty.”
“No, no, no!” Che interjected. “You were really going to do it? Man. You are the greatest comedian of all time.”
Jost confessed, “I was so scared,” as the sketch ended.
Saturday Night Live, streaming on Peacock, Sling TV, and the NBC app
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