Faith and self-esteem, plus teens and adults to talk to

Faith-based youth groups, a fellowship adjunct to religious instruction, became popular in Protestant denominations in the 1970s as houses of worship sought to expand their outreach to young people.

Fifty years later, youth missions thrive where families with children are a growing part of the congregation, including in Roman Catholic and evangelical Christian churches. But after church membership declined in New England in the past several decades, many congregations — including some mainstream denominations in Laconia — find themselves now with mostly older members, a trend that echoes New Hampshire’s demographic. Some local congregations, including Temple B’Nai Israel and Good Shepherd Lutheran Church, say they would like to host a youth group, but lack enough young people to hold one.

The Rev. Michael Graham at Gilford Community Church said attracting kids to a faith-based youth group can be an uphill battle, especially in affluent communities where parents emphasize college preparation and activities that function as resume builders. On top of that, many children as young as age 9 have packed schedules on Saturdays and Sundays as well as after school, he said. Mission trips to help others, and the Gilford Community Church’s One Community Project, where teens and adolescents from the community joined youth from the congregation to paint a older woman’s house this summer, attract middle and high school students. Once a month, kids from families that attend GCC come together to make a meal to bring to the senior center, but it's hard to muster them for weekly meetings.

“I don’t think churches like ours have really figured it out. We still have that model of what it looked like when we were young," Graham said.

Community service events “seem to profoundly affect the kids who participate. They're reminders that life isn’t just about us. When we give back, we get way more back than we give," Graham said. By contrast, "A youth group helps kids discover how life has gifted them and gives them opportunities to use those gifts. In so many places, acceptance is based on performance. Places like this accept you regardless of your ability.

"Given the pressures that kids are under today, a place that totally affirms who they are and believes in them and that life has gifted them in unique ways can be so affirming. This is a safe place. We're trying to enrich their lives. If you think about it, churches are one of the few places left in society where young people and old people really gather together.” 

In the past 20 years, Graham said the number of young families participating in GCC and church-related activities has declined. In addition to competing with packed schedules, he believes churches battle hard-to-cancel stereotypes that they don’t welcome people from the LGBTQ community, but that’s not the case at GCC.

“When it comes to supporting mental health, church can be a place of total acceptance and affirmation,” Graham said. “Every child needs responsible adults in their corner who will believe in them no matter what. At our best, that’s what we can do.”

At First Baptist Church of Meredith, youth group leader Dee Jurius said the youth group offers kids in grades 7 through 12 a chance to be part of a community where “organic mentorship” happens between older and younger students.

“It’s a good time for them to be able to ask questions about stuff that’s going on in their week and their lives,” she said. “It provides a place of belonging, a supportive community with trusted adults in addition to parents” and a space to talk with peers and grownups in the same place.

A rotating core of eight to 10 teens attends weekly youth group meetings, but turnout can be larger. “A number say it’s their favorite night of the week," she said. "They also said, ‘We love coming here. Please don’t stop it for the summer.'”

“Any group can provide community, socialization and fun,” said Jurius, who trained as a child therapist and worked as a school counselor. “There’s a spiritual component to every person, and I think kids really sense that. The religious aspect drives it and sets it apart from other activities in a good way. Historically, we’ve found that religion is a consistent anchor for people across cultures and time. Community purely for the sake of community usually fizzles. Grounding in faith and the gospel gives a sense of security and certainty to both kids and adults.”

Heidi Carrington Heath, executive director of the New Hampshire Council of Churches, which represents roughly 300 Protestant and Orthodox churches statewide, worked as a high school chaplain for years at Phillips Exeter Academy, which has a broad mix of students from different religions and cultures.

“Folks in the Gen Z bucket are seeking authentic community to ask big questions,” Heath said. “So much of our teenage years are about what we believe and seeking opportunities to make meaning and understand ourselves in relationship to the world.”

COVID put a damper on church and youth group attendance for two years, and some congregations in New Hampshire have returned to in-person gathering only in the past three to six months.

“Has that had an impact on members? Sure," Heath said. "Congregations now are really trying to connect to their youth, knowing that youth mental health has taken a real hit. We know that the kind of community a church youth group can provide can be lifesaving. Church programming and youth groups have an important role to play, especially for kids who have trouble finding community in other ways.”

Those who struggle to connect with peers in school and sports find connection and care, she said. “Having an anchor in something beyond yourself is really important, especially when times get tough.”

Sean Dutile, pastor at Water’s Edge Church on New Salem Street in Laconia, has been a mental health counselor for nine years. Youth groups fill a big role, he said, especially when parents have teens who are struggling with anxiety, depression or self-harm behaviors.

“Sending kids to therapy is a good start,” Dutile said. But youth groups provide a distinct forum and community where “kids can talk about real stuff and not just hang out. From my role as a counselor, I know counseling is not all they need. They need a community they can relate to.”

The late teenage years are when many begin to ask important questions, such as, “Is there a God and does he love me?” and “What’s the purpose of my life?” Dutile said. The search for answers becomes a quest.

A unique feature of faith-based youth groups is that they’re attached to congregations of people at various life stages, with different life experiences, united by some core beliefs.

“They’re not just hanging out with people their own age, but people slightly or significantly older. They can ask, ‘How do I do this thing called life?’ Youth groups are places where young people can ask big-picture questions in their teen years,” Dutile said.