Study finds children’s mental health top stressor for parents

By Stephen Beech

Parental stress is rising, with the biggest worry being the mental health of their children, reveals new research.

Nearly all moms and dads (97%) with children under 18 felt stress related to parenting in the previous month, according to the findings.

And 30% of parents say they "often" experience stress.

The survey of more than 1,000 American moms and dads also found that among those who felt parental stress in the last month, two of the top sources of that stress were their children's behavioral issues (35%) and their mental health (26%).

Nearly half of stressed parents (46%) feel it also makes their children more anxious or worried, according to the research conducted for The Kids Mental Health Foundation.

Dr. Ariana Hoet, executive clinical director of The Kids Mental Health Foundation, said: “Parents today are aware of the importance of focusing on children’s mental health when it comes to raising them.

"The problem is that this generation of parents is the first to try and do this.

“So, we hear, ‘I don't have a model. I don't know how to talk about mental health. I don't know how to build mental wellness in my home.’

"Parents are constantly worried, ‘Am I doing it wrong?’"

Hoet, who is also a pediatric psychologist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, recommends that parents take care of their mental health, too, because their stress can set the tone for the home.

She encourages parents to be intentional with noticing what causes stress, making changes where possible, and finding time for connection and joy.

Hoet says moms and dads can support their children with daily habits that build healthy homes, which includes regular conversations with their youngsters, strengthening routines and managing behavior.

She said: “What we're recommending is based on research.

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"It's what helps parents build their children’s mental health.

“Parents can feel like, ‘OK, I know exactly what to do’ and take that stress away from the decision making.”

Hoet stressed that small changes in the way moms and dads interact with their children can make a difference in the mood of the home and decrease everyone's stress.

Allison Tomlin, a mom of two boys in Hilliard, Ohio, relies on Kids Mental Health Foundation resources as a parent and a teacher.

She said that, ultimately, children just want to feel heard.

Tomlin said: “A lot of times, parents are so focused on the fix that they dismiss the feelings.

"Then kids shut down because if they're not being seen as a person first and just a problem.

"Kids are often like, ‘Well, I'm just not going to have that conversation.'

"We're having the hard conversations. We're talking about the feelings. We're talking about the emotions.

"And sometimes as uncomfortable as it is for adults, it's just a privilege to be able to be raising kids in a time where we're putting mental health as a priority.”

Hoet says parents don’t have to be perfect all the time.

She says if they make a mistake, both sides can grow from it.

Hoet added: “Just model what it's like to make mistakes, what it's like to apologize and take accountability, and you'll be OK.

“You're repairing the relationship. The relationship is what matters.”