Saturday Night Live‘s Weekend Update star, Jane Wickline, sent a stern warning about the Stranger Things child actors and the threat they pose now that the hit TV show is over.
On Saturday, Dec. 13, Weekend Update anchor Colin Jost chatted with Wickline as she detailed, through song, how Noah Schnapp, Millie Bobby Brown, Finn Wolfhard, Sadie Sink, Caleb McLaughlin, and Gaten Matarazzo are poised to take over the planet. While playing the keyboard and singing, she began with what seemed like a message against artificial intelligence.
“Well, there are many theories about how society as we know it could end,” Jost said, setting up the segment. “Here with a stern warning about the future is our own Jane Wickline.”
Wickline then declared, “We don’t have much time left as a species, so I’m just going to get right into my song.” She also noted the title was “The Greatest Threat to Humanity Right Now.”
She sang, “We’re programming monsters we will lose control of soon. They’re taking every job, and singularity’s approaching. When they get smarter than us, will they be our doom? I think we all know the topic I am broaching.”
That’s when she revealed, “We don’t have much time left, we must kill them while they’re still weak: the child actors from Stranger Things. They are adults now. We have to destroy them before they destroy everything.”
However, Jost interjected, “I really thought you were talking about AI.”
To that, she insisted, “AI is just a distraction. The real threat here is Sadie Sink. And her child co-stars on Stranger Things.”
Wickline added, “Stranger Things is ending, they’ll have so much free time. What if they grow self-aware? We need to keep them occupied. They could mobilize their followers — 60 million followers — we need to keep them occupied.”
When Jost protested again, saying he didn’t understand the danger, Wickline claimed the Stranger Things kids “use a cubic mile of water every minute.” She added, “If there’s a hell gate, Gaten Matarazzo belongs in it.”
She continued, “They’re squashing the environment and killing the economy. Finn Wolfhard is the devil to me.”
Wickline also warned, “The six of them are in a room right now preparing to seize the next election. And for these reasons, I stand with Vecna.”
After Jones pointed out the kids are “harmless” and go on Hot Ones, Wickline replied, “Things that start funny can get important. Joe Rogan used to make people eat bugs, and now he’s the President of the United States.”
To conclude her song, Wickline outlined her plan: tying cheese to a string and putting a stick under a box.
“I’ll be a hero. I will win an award. ‘You stopped the apocalypse,’ President Chatbot will beam at me. As we scramble the brains of the six strange kids and make them do, uh… Make them join the cast of All’s Fair.
Saturday Night Live, Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. ET on NBC
Stranger Things, Season 5 Volume 2 (three episodes), December 25, 8/7c; Series Finale, December 31, 8/7c)
More Headlines:
- ‘SNL’ Weekend Update Sends Stern Warning About ‘Stranger Things’ Child Actors
- Daytime TV Performer of the Week: ‘Beyond the Gates’ Tamara Tunie’s Anita Dupree Dresses Bill Down With Grace & Class
- ‘Bob’s Burgers’ Celebrates Christmas With an Action-Packed Ode to Yuletide Favorites
- ‘SNL’ Cold Open Skewers Donald Trump & Michigan Head Coach in One Fell Swoop
- 9 ‘King of Queens’ Secrets You Didn’t Know
(0) comments
Welcome to the discussion.
Log In
Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.