Saturday Night Live‘s cold open just featured Matt Damon reprising his role as Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh at a bar with Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth and FBI Director Kash Patel as drinking buddies.
On the Saturday, May 9 episode of SNL, the trio found themselves at the Martin’s Tavern in Washington, D.C. Colin Jost, as Hegseth, was the first to enter the bar, where he fist-bumped the bartender (Kenan Thompson), made an exploding sound, and declared, “Drug boat!”
“It’s just nice to have my sneaky bar here, where I’m not going to run into anyone from work,” Hegseth said. “Because none of Trump’s people like drinking as much as I do.” That’s when Damon, as Kavanaugh, popped up while holding a gavel and his justice garb to shout, “Wrong!”
He sat down at the bar and declared, “What is up? Order, order in the court. I find in favor of six Bud Lites and three shots of Jamo.” To that, the bartender acknowledged, “Yep, a 6-3 decision coming right up.”
After Kavanaugh said he suspected that he might see Hegseth there, the Secretary of War asked if he accidentally included him in Signal chat. “No, I just saw all the women covering their drinks,” the justice pointed out.
Kavanaugh added, “Can I just say, we are both kicking a** right now,” to which Hegseth marveled, “Dude, can you believe I just, like, started a war?” Kavanaugh added, “Can you believe I ended abortion? Hey, your body, my choice!”
When asked how the war in Iran was going, Hegseth shared, “Oh, it’s totally chill. It’s like me at a DWI checkpoint: completely blew over.” Kavanaugh then showed him a drawing of a new voting district he approved in Tennessee, before correcting himself, “Oh, wait. Actually, no. That’s a field sobriety test. They told me to draw a circle.”
After Kavanaugh confessed that he’s worried the war in Iran will end, Kavanaugh said the “real war” was “male loneliness.”
“I used to have all my buddies to hang out with,” he lamented. “… I just wish there were more people in this administration that could really hang.”
Suddenly, Aziz Ansari as Patel entered the bar and shouted, “Does this bar take Kash?!”
He sat down next to Kavanaugh and Hegseth before showing them his “new FBI bourbon with my name on it.” Patel then pointed out, “Yes, somehow this is a real thing that I, the FBI director, have made.”
“But seriously, we’re all living the American dream,” Patel continued. “I’m the first person in my family to go to college… parties… many years after graduating.”
To end the skit, Kavanaugh asked, “Can I tell you guys a secret?” before revealing, “We’re gonna let Trump do a third term.”
When Hegseth celebrated but then said he thought that was unconstitutional, the justice explained, “Yeah, it was. But Trump found the original Constitution, and at the end, he wrote, ‘Sike!'”
Fittingly, the trio concluded the sketch by singing “I Get Knocked Down” by Chumbawamba.
What do you think of Damon reprising his role as Kavanaugh in the SNL cold open?
Saturday Night Live, Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. ET on NBC
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