David Brochu: President Trump is ready to save us from alien invasion

To The Daily Sun,

With all the recent excitement about mysterious planetary objects detected in our solar system — some even radiating their own internal energy (thanks, Popular Mechanics, for keeping us awake at night) — rumor has it the Trump administration isn’t taking any chances.

According to sources not at NASA, the White House has issued a “red alert” to ICE, instructing agents to prepare their ships, check their handcuffs, and stock up on paperwork, just in case the next celestial visitor isn’t a comet but a caravan. Reports suggest ICE is dusting off its finest “Welcome to Earth” forms and sharpening its alien-detection skills — for immigration, not astronomy, mind you.

Word is, President Donald Trump, ever the scientific mind, now suspects these planetary objects are in fact sleeper agents for a vast liberal conspiracy, sent to “flip” the solar system blue. “If those objects land, we’ll deport them immediately — or reroute them to California,” he is rumored to have declared between rallies.

So rest easy, Laconia, knowing our ICE fleet stands ready, not for ET, but for IT — that’s “immigration threat.” Next stop: defending Pluto’s borders.

Thanks to President Trump, for saving us from the alien invasion.

David Brochu

Belmont