Racer from NASCAR fan podcast tops podium at 5th Media Cup

LOUDON — I’m not a car guy, and I’m definitely not a speed demon behind the wheel. I’m lucky to hit 80 miles an hour in my ‘88 Toyota, and the prospect of a collision without airbags in a truck that weighs about as much as a modern sedan tends to keep my accelerator far from the floor. I don’t really know how cars work, either. My mechanical skills end at changing fuses, batteries, and maybe oil if I have no other choice.

Despite these facts, last Friday, I found myself behind the wheel of a two-decade old stock car at the New Hampshire Motor Speedway. I was representing The Laconia Daily Sun in this year’s Media Cup. It was the fifth year that the speedway invited television news reporters, disc jockeys, journalists and even podcasters to race genuine stock cars on their 1.058-mile track.

The 20 other media members and I began our day with a crash course in racing. Our instructor was Stephen Church, a self-confessed Chuck Norris lookalike with oil-stained hands and a race suit with hot rod flame accents.

Church is a driver for the Rusty Wallace Racing Experience, where ordinary people drop cash to race on actual tracks.

Church informed us that the cars were manual, but that drivers were forbidden from downshifting once they reached high gear. Church had all media members raise their hand in the air and pledge “I will not downshift”. This made no difference to me. The only manual vehicle I’ve driven is a tractor, and something told me that had zero relevance behind the wheel of a race car.

Each racer would get about six laps, and no more than four of us would be on the track at a time. Just like an actual race, we were competing for fastest lap time, not who crossed the finish line first.

After suiting up and grabbing a helmet, I’d established three goals for myself:

• Do not crash.
• Do not stall the engine.
• Do not get last place.

Before jumping into the cars ourselves, each contestant got a few laps in the passenger's seat with one of the Rusty Wallace drivers behind the wheel. I ended up riding along with Church. I stepped onto the track, helmeted and jumpsuited, and climbed in through the passenger-side window. I had to cross my legs to fit them as an assistant strapped my body into the car.

As I was strapped into the seat, I was reminded of the few occasions I’ve ridden roller coasters. I hate most roller coasters. Especially the wooden ones, where my brain tells me that the entire structure will collapse at any second, and the bored teens operating the ride forgot some key safety check that will result in my decapitation or splattering on the ground. This was far better.

Church flipped a switch and the V8 roared to life. In a few seconds, we were out of the pit and onto the track. After clearing the first turn, we gradually built up speed. Church flashed hand signals at me to demonstrate how his foot was feathering the accelerator as we hit turns. On the straightaway, the car became a projectile, barreling forward at around 140 miles an hour as we headed into the turns.

Instead of being horrified, I was thrilled. After crawling out of my ride and thanking Church, photographer Alan MacRae walked up to me and said, “I asked him to put a little bit of extra sauce on for you.”

Eventually it was my turn to drive. I was assigned car 24. It was blue with a life sized image of Yoda leaping through the air above a massive Pepsi logo on the hood. Before stepping in, I told the pit crew that I didn’t know how to drive stick. They said it was no problem, just keep it in high gear.

After starting the car, I gently left the pit, somehow managing not to stall. Once on the track, a calm voice on my radio headphones guided me to my lane, and sent me off. 

I didn’t manage to match Church’s speed. No surprise there. While driving, I actually had no idea how fast I was going. As it turns out, stock cars don’t have a speedometer. I did my six laps, trying to gun it on the straightaway and hit the corners gently. 

I managed to stay in my lane and just as I was somewhat getting comfortable behind the wheel, my laps were over. I stepped out of my car, stripped off my racing gear, and got some lunch with the other racers who’d finished, waiting for others.

At about 1:45 p.m., we were called back out to the pit to announce the winners. Lap times and average speeds were announced from slowest to fastest. I managed to land in the middle with a best lap time of 54.515 seconds with an average speed of 69.999 miles per hour.

“What a perfect number,” someone joked in the crowd. “Seventy is too fast!” screamed another voice. “Keep it under 70!”

That’s another funny thing about race cars. You’re so low to the ground, you feel like you’re going much faster than you really are. With such a  humorously low speed, I didn’t even make it to the top ten, but the way I saw it, I’d met my three goals.

“The people that have been here before and done it, they’re improving their time,” said Shannon Stephens, senior communications manager for New Hampshire Motor Speedway. “The newbies, they’re getting there, but I can tell maybe they’ve practiced on the highway a little bit.”

In fact, the trophy was taken by first time racer Kyle Belcher of the visiting “Circle Jerks” NASCAR fan podcast with a best lap time of 39.241 seconds with an average speed of 97.245 miles per hour. Belcher is a NASCAR fanatic, and co-hosts the podcast out of Providence Rhode Island. This was not only his first time at the media cup, it was his first time behind the wheel of a stock car. 

“This is a lifelong dream,” Belcher said, pointing to the empty seats above the speedway. “I was in those stands in 1998 for my first race.”