Pretending to understand

Hearing trouble is more common than you may think.  In graduate school (which was nearly 30 years ago now) I learned that for every person you meet wearing glasses, there are 3 people who have hearing loss.

You might think hearing loss is a problem only for the elderly, but it’s not. While in school, I learned that six children out of every 1,000 are born with hearing loss.  Many more develop hearing problems in their early years. For most people hearing begins to decline by age 35. That is a lot earlier than most people would guess. Statistics suggest that there are nearly 30 million people in the U.S. with hearing loss.

So why is it that you don’t believe you see that many people wearing hearing aids?  There are many reasons. One is that current hearing aids are not easily visible, unless you look very closely.  Another is that a significant number of people with hearing loss have not obtained help for their hearing.

Many folks with hearing loss have a mistaken perception that the cause of their problem is a failure of other people to communicate clearly.  This translates into, “if people would just speak up, I would be fine.” I hear that statement at least once a week. To be fair, it is true that we are often not good communicators.  However, it is also unrealistic to expect people to consistently make a 100% effort to communicate properly.

Most people with hearing loss miss pieces of what is said to them.  Because they don’t hear bits of the topic, they guess at what they think you said.  They don’t want to ask you to repeat because then they would have to ask you to do it constantly.  Instead, they often look like they are very focused on what you are saying. Often, they are nodding, smiling and seem to be following along.  Then, later, it turns out they did not absorb the conversation. They do not know about appointments, things they have been asked to do, or other important details.

People with hearing loss are not ignoring you.  They pretend to understand to ease the frustration to you, and embarrassment to them.  Many folks don’t even realize how much they miss.

For people with normal hearing, the act of hearing is natural and easy.  It’s hard for normal-hearing people to understand that hearing is not “all or nothing”.  People with hearing loss can have degrees of hearing trouble that makes it look like, “they hear just fine when they want to.”  That really means that people with hearing loss become masters at guessing.

Fatigue has a big effect on the ability to guess correctly.  That is why many folks feel they hear better in the morning than at night.  It is exhausting to focus intently on a person’s facial expression, movements of the mouth and gestures.  This is all done to try to fill in the gap and when a hearing impaired person becomes tired, they often “tune out.”

The most wonderful part of being an audiologist is knowing what a profound difference hearing better can have on a person’s life.  I often have patients who seem quiet, withdrawn or even angry. Once they hear better, they seem to bloom. It’s like giving water to a wilted plant.  They sit up taller, they spread out, their eyes get brighter and then they start talking and don’t stop. It’s frustrating when people choose not to get the help they need.

The frightening part about hearing loss, and not admitting it, is the research we now have available.  This research suggests that people with hearing loss who don’t get help for their hearing are significantly more prone to falls and depression, earn lower incomes, have more challenges in their jobs and have a significantly higher risk of developing Alzheimer’s and dementia.

Check your hearing annually.  We say, “be wise, test hearing like eyes.”  Get a baseline hearing test before you observe hearing trouble so you have something to compare to.  Most importantly, take care of your hearing when impairment is evident.  There are tremendous advances in technology to help you enjoy better hearing.  There is also a wide range of hearing devices available, from economical choices to premium options.  Pretending to hear is frustrating, embarrassing and isolating. Hearing better improves everything. Please don’t wait.  Call your audiologist and take care of your hearing.

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Dr. Laura O’Brien Robertson is a doctor of hearing.  She is located at 211 South Main Street, in Laconia. She can be reached at 528-7700 or via www.audiologyspecialists.com.