I got a call this week from a couple that have been trying to sell their home but have not had any success. I talked with them quite a while. They have had a fair number of showings and the listing looks good in the MLS. The price even looked about right. But something obviously was not clicking with the buyers that had seen it. They said they have a couple of showings already scheduled for this weekend and really needed to sell it. I told them I would be meeting with the Lakes Region Professional Porch Sitters Local 603 and that I would discuss it with the brain trust and publish some suggestions on how to get their home sold in this week’s article. It will be just in time for them to read it and spring into action.
The Sitters gathered at the home of Suzie Q. Cummings. She has wanted to join us for a long time and it turned out she had a really nice four-season porch to sit on. She was waiting for us as we arrived with the appropriate porch crawler beverages on ice. God love her. Little Stevie Prestone, Travis D. Coletrain, Dirk Davenport, Rollie Rollins, Bubba Gunther, Ainsley Grantham, and even little Megan Bowman showed up. The latter two had just survived a week or so in the jungles of Costa Rica so they could go surfing. Ainsley got one of her front teeth knocked out but she’s looking a lot better now with a temporary.
I posed the couples’ dilemma to the crew, knowing that I would find a succinct and correct course of action for them. Suzie Q immediately blurted out, “This is Super Bowl and Pond Hockey weekend! Who looks at houses this weekend?”
I said, “Well, I don’t know, but as long as they don’t try to schedule it during the game, it’s OK. There isn’t much inventory out there and some buyers are getting a little desperate, too! What do you guys think? What should they do?”
“Well,” says Rollie, “since this is Super Bowl Weekend, I think the sellers should go down to their favorite electronics store on Friday night and buy the biggest flat-screen OLED television they can find and plunk it down in their living room or man cave! They should make sure it is left on during the showing. They should tell their listing agent to tell the buyers that this baby is included in the sale of the house if they make an offer today! That ought to get the buyers’ attention! A Super Bowl special!” Rollie is truly a cheapskate of epic proportions, but he is always generous with other folk’s money….
“That’s a great idea!” replied Bubba, “but there could be complications! You see, first and foremost, you gotta find out where the buyer is coming from! If he is from outside of our immediate area — you know, anywhere beyond Mass, NH, Maine or RI — you gotta take down any and all Patriots decorations, posters, flags, and autographed photos you might have hanging around! Everyone but us hates the Patriots! One piece of Patriot paraphernalia could kill any deal if the buyers aren’t from here!”
Dirk added, “Make sure closets don’t have any jerseys or t-shits and absolutely no Patriot’s caps. If you leave a car in the yard and there is a Patriots’ bumper sticker on it, make sure you back it up tight against a wall.”
Travis offers, “You know, if the buyers are from our area, there is probably a 96-99 percent chance that the husband is a Patriots fan. So in that case, you need to dig out more old stuff out of the closet, like vintage Vinatieri, Bledsoe, and Flutie stuff! The more, the better. They could also tell their agent that an autographed No. 12 Jersey could be negotiable in the deal!”
Ainsley spoke up, “If the buyer is from Vermont, don’t worry, they just like soccer over there. You don’t have to do anything. They wouldn’t understand it, anyway!”
Little Megan, a lifelong Saints fan added, “If the buyers are from Louisiana, go buy a Saints hat and leave it on the sofa. A shredded referee’s Jersey would also be a nice touch.”
“Well,” says little Stevie Prestone, “what if the buyers are from the West Coast and they want the Rams to win?”
“No one cares if the Rams win! Even in LA,” I said. "But everyone else in the world wants the Pat’s to lose. I’d still get rid of the Patriots stuff if they are from LA. You could buy a Cowboy hat and put in on the couch, just to get some sympathy. You could also go for a Raiders hat if you want to make them laugh.”
“It wouldn’t hurt to leave out a meat and cheese platter, too, just to show you are getting ready for the game!” pipes in Dick as he reaches for some more of the bean dip Suzie Q had put out.
“Is he always thinking of food?” Suzie Q asks.
“Do the Patriot’s always go to the Super Bowl?” replied Travis.
Hope this helps … it’s the best we can do on short notice. Enjoy the game.
Visit www.DistinctiveHomes.NH.com to learn more about the Lakes Region real estate market and sign up for a monthly newsletter. Data compiled using the NEREN MLS. Roy Sanborn is a sales associate at Four Seasons Sotheby's International Realty. Contact him at 603-677-7012.