Leo R. Sandy - Pride & humility

“Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

Pride seems to be everywhere – white pride, black pride, gay pride, the proud-the few, school pride, town pride, team pride, civic pride, proud to be an American, and the list goes on. Maybe there is too much pride for society’s own good because with so much of it there might not be enough humility and there can never be too much of that. It would be so nice to see “white humility”, “the few-the humble”, and “humble to be an American”.

Pride is defined as “a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.” (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pride). There are lesser definitions but they only provide poor excuses for the perpetuation of insidious pride which is listed among the deadly sins of the Catholic church along with lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, acedia (joylessness), wrath, envy and vainglory. This is not good company to be in. Pride and vanity often go hand-in-hand as in the character Darcy in Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice. He only redeemed himself when he got off his high horse. The source of his pride was being born with a silver spoon in his mouth and pampering over a lifetime. It happens a lot to wealthy people but not to all of them.

According to one dictionary source, “In almost every list, pride (Latin, superbia), or hubris , is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and the source of the others. It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self (especially holding self out of proper position toward God). Dante's definition of pride was "love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbour." In Jacob Bidermann's medieval miracle play, "Cenodoxus", pride is the deadliest of all the sins and leads directly to the damnation of the titulary famed Parisian doctor. In perhaps the best-known example, the story of Lucifer, pride (his desire to compete with God) was what caused his fall from Heaven, and his resultant transformation into Satan. In Dante's "Divine Comedy", the penitents were forced to walk with stone slabs bearing down on their backs to induce feelings of humility” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins).

There is also a very different kind of pride when it is used as a reaction to oppression. Oppressed people are often dehumanized and internalize the beliefs about themselves that abound in the dominant culture. However, when oppressed people no longer buy into the negative stereotypes that are spread about them, they rebel and cast off their shame. Ebullient pride is a natural accompaniment of liberation and in no way suggests that they – for example, Blacks or gays- feel in any way superior to those who oppress them. They are just tired of being treated as inferior beings, and pride is their way of saying no more forced smiling, no more bowing, no more acceptance of crumbs, no more rolling over, no more shame, no more pretending and no more hiding in a closet, etc.

Pride is not just the opposite of humility but a product of shame which is defined as “the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another”(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/shame). Shame is not measuring up to some standard or expectation. Submissiveness is one but not the only response to shame. It can also lead to anger and violence as mechanisms to expunge shame. Prisons are full of people with too much shame and too little guilt. Many have been put down all their lives and their outward toughness is exaggerated behavior to cover up feelings of shame. Shame is based on rejection and ridicule. Thus, pride in anti-social accomplishments may also serve to hide the shame so people can retain some semblance of an ego and live with themselves with some modicum of dignity. This also suggests that shame comes before pride which is the opposite of Proverbs 11:2 that says, When pride cometh, then cometh shame . . . Nevertheless, the connection between pride and shame seems apparent.

Pride itself would not be as necessary and common if people were just accepted for whom they are with all their strengths, faults and limitations. Instead of pathologizing pride as the church so rightly did, we normalize and even exalt it as if we all felt inferior. Many individuals put themselves above others and they do the same thing with their countries. When the former happens, self-aggrandizement occurs via other degradation. When the latter happens people suffer and die. Proud people have many things in common such as an intense dislike of being shown their errors, not admitting to mistakes, not giving other people credit for anything, refusal to learn from others and intense feelings of competitiveness. The proud person cannot stand being wrong and has a strong need to win even though the victory despite the futility or immorality of the cause.

Proud people are often intolerant or impatient with others' ideas, problems or feelings; unable to listen to others; fearful of becoming vulnerable to any new messages about life that might threaten their personal beliefs; lacking in insight into their own weaknesses (masked by pride); above being helped; resentful of those who do not acknowledge their way as the way; selective in the people with whom they are willing to associate; resentful of being challenged and get angry; threatened by any new truths, researched answers or spiritual happenings that do not fit into their structured way of looking at and living life; in denial about having problems; skillful in turning helpful suggestions around while attacking the person who made the suggestion; deaf to the world in general; sarcastic, caustic and biting in their comments toward people; ready with a quip, answer or comment for everything; hardheaded, and stubborn and not easily swayed from the position they have taken on a question. (http://www.livestrong.com/article/14711-handling-pride/#ixzz1aQSQa8Bg)

There is probably not an honest person alive who does not see him/herself in some of these characteristics. The issue is not perfection but improvement. Pride is something about which we, including myself, need to be very vigilant because it is easy to succumb to. Recognizing it is the first step on the path toward humility.

(Leo R. Sandy is professor of counselor education at Plymouth State University and a consulting school psychologist.)