‘Not just about the grave with the flag’

Blue Star Mothers are mindful of the missing on Memorial Day

By THOMAS P. CALDWELL, LACONIA DAILY SUN

MEREDITH — Karen Thurston, president of the Blue Star Mothers of New Hampshire, said that, while Memorial Day is a time to honor veterans who have died, people also should be mindful of those who are prisoners of war or missing in action.

“Who understands this more clearly than a mother, father, or sibling who has a family member currently serving?” she asked.

Blue Star Mothers, which is celebrating its 75th anniversary this year, is an organization formed during World War II, encouraging the mothers of servicemen to offer support by volunteering at hospitals, bringing snacks to the train stations where soldiers were arriving home, and sending care packages to those serving overseas. The organization formed in Flint, Michigan, and was officially recognized in the Congressional Record on Feb. 6, 1942. Chapters soon formed in Ohio, Wisconsin, New York, Pennsylvania, Oregon, California, Iowa, and Washington. The New Hampshire chapter formed in 2005.

Joy Hall, second vice president of the organization, said she learned about the group from another Blue Star Mother she met while waiting for her son, Peter, to arrive home from basic training in the Army. The family of anyone in the service automatically qualifies as a Blue Star Mother.

“We support each other, primarily,” Thurston said. “We advocate for services, assist veterans with items, and make sure vets in rural areas have access to care. Maybe they don’t qualify for transportation on the shuttle bus; we pay for a taxi and gas. We do a lot with Liberty House in Manchester, including giving scarves and doing a food drive for them. They not only have a facility that can house a handful of vets, they do a lot of community outreach, looking for those out on the street.”

In the past, there has been a focus on the plight of Vietnam veterans, but Thurston said they are now seeing veterans of Desert Storm, Iraq and Afghanistan in need of services.

Blue Star Mothers recognize that their own sons or daughters might be lost at any time. “There’s always that wonder: Are they going to make it home?” said Hall.

On Memorial Day, the survivors of those who have given their lives have a gravesite to visit or a memorial commemorating their loss, Thurston said. “But the POW families are left in limbo. They may have just a picture or an artifact to remember their loved one.”

She said she has met people who have photographs of relatives they’ve never met. It may be of a 17-year-old who went to Korea and never returned. The grandmother may have had the photo on the mantel until she died, and the relatives inherited it without ever having known who that person really was.

“There’s always going to be an empty seat and an empty memory,” Thurston said. “There’s a ghost in the house, and we have to remember these families, too.”

Thurston said she didn’t want to detract from the losses of the families with servicemen who have fallen.

“Whether they served four years and lived in a community for 65 years, or died in battle, we thank them for their service,” she said. “Some veterans come back and they’re not the same person they were when they left. The family went through a loss. How we deal with them today is different from those returning from Vietnam, but it’s still a struggle. I just want people to think about it; it’s not just about the grave with the flag.”

Thurston’s son, Alex, went through two deployments, so “there were holidays where there’s been an empty chair,” she said. “That’s what Memorial Day is: We have to remember those who are no longer here to share those memories.”

Alex Thurston was deployed with the National Guard in Iraq in 2004-05, and he returned to Jordan and Kuwait in 2016. “We went in to built it up, and returned to tear it down,” he told her.

Hall’s son, Peter Freeman, entered the Army’s infantry division in 2011, and now is serving as a recruiter in New Jersey. “I’m glad he’s here as a recruiter, and not overseas,” Hall said.

Both women say Memorial Day can be a very tough day for veterans.

“It’s bittersweet for them because of the friends they’ve lost, either while deployed or to suicide after they’ve returned,” said Thurston. “They want the day to be low-key and recognize the sacrifices their friends made. They don’t want to hear ‘Thank you for your service’ on Memorial Day.”

The Blue Star Mothers of New Hampshire contribute to causes that help veterans and their families, including Honor Flight New England, which transports veterans to Washington, D.C. They joined in an effort to create a Reflection Fountain honoring Blue, Gold, and POW families at the New Hampshire Veterans Cemetery in Boscawen, and donated to the New Hampshire Veterans Heritage Learning Center there. They also donated to the Gold Star Family Memorial in Washington, D.C.

Thurston said the contacts they have made through Blue Star Mothers have allowed them to connect soldiers with their families while on their way to deployment, as well as establishing relationships with older veterans.

“They have life experiences none of us will ever have, so they value what we have,” Thurston said.

Although the Blue Star organization carries “mothers” in the name, it actually is open to wives, husbands, fathers, stepmothers, stepfathers, parents through adoption, foster parents and even grandparents, as well. Blue Star families are encouraged to display the Blue Star Banner, honoring those who are serving during a period of war or hostility. The banner carries a star for each service member on active duty. While the banners may be purchased, many families make their own banners for display.

The organization worked for three years to have the state proclaim Blue Star Mothers Day, as it honors Gold Star Mothers on the Sunday after Easter. In 2012, the state finally set Blue Star Mothers Day as occurring on the Sunday after Mothers’ Day.

“New Hampshire has a long history of supporting veterans,” Thurston said. “We need to think of those who are POWs or MIA. I hope that we, as citizens of New Hampshire, 80 years down the road, remembered that young man in the picture.”

Gilford residents Karen Thurston, left, and Joy Hall display their Blue Star banners. Both have sons serving in the armed forces. (Tom Caldwell/Laconia Daily Sun)

The Blue Star Mothers of New Hampshire contributed toward the creation of the Reflection Fountain at the New Hampshire State Veterans' Cemetery in Boscawen, dedicated to the Blue, Gold and POW families. (Courtesy Photo)