Bullying expert suggest we're raising 'meanest generation'

LACONIA — Parents of Laconia Middle Schoolers were told Tuesday night by an anti-bullying expert that there is an epidemic of bullying in American schools that affects 30 to 50-percent of the nation's school children.

“All indications are that we are raising the meanest generation ever,'' said Dr. Malcolm Smith, a family life and family education specialist with the University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension Service.

“It's time to get more serious as parents. But it's not a school problem, or a parent problem or a school board problem. It's everybody's problem,'' said Smith, who said that if the same level of threat was posed by a communicable disease there would be an overwhelming public outcry for action.

He said that he was severely bullied himself as a teenager and that 40 years later he can still recall the incident, in which he was shoved to the ground and spat upon by other students at a Kansas high school and called ''farm trash.''

He said that teachers, other students and even parents seemed to regard his ordeal as a ''rite of passage'' and his situation deteriorated to the point where he acted out and was classified as having a behavior disorder and put in classes with special education students.

Only one person stood by him during that time, a girl he referred to as his “blood sister'', who treated him like a normal teenager and whose courage he grew to admire.

Smith, who now holds two doctorates, said that there was once a mistaken notion that bullying was caused by a lack of self-esteem. He says that recent research shows that those who engage in bullying aren't short of good feelings about themselves.

“Their problem is that they lack empathy and are a very selfish bunch with a sense of entitlement. They really believe that they are better than other kids.''

He said that bullying leaves scars which can last a lifetime and has been shown to be factor in all 48 school shooting incidents which have taken place over the last 15 years,

Smith said that bullying takes several forms and is based on power differentials between bullies and their victims, whether it be in terms of physical strength, class, family income or personal popularity.

He said that mediation is not an effective tool for dealing with bullying due to the imbalance of power between victim and perpetrator. ''Protect, don't mediate,'' is his method of dealing with bullying.

"Ask the students who are being bullied 'who's got your back?' If they say no one does, tell them that you do. Sending a message that you care is very important. Courage means that we look after each other,'' he said.

Smith helped write the state's landmark anti-bullying law which passed in 2010 and has become the model for 22 other states. He is the co-author and project director of the Courage to Care project, a school climate and culture curriculum designed to reduce bullying and peer victimization by increasing empathy, compassion and civility in young people.

His publication "Understanding Bullying" has been distributed widely across New England and the U.S. with over 100,000 in print.

He recently assisted in the founding of the Family Education Collaborative, a unique effort based in Manchester, which unites Cooperative Extension with the YWCA of Manchester, UNH Manchester, UNH Department of Family Studies and Family Support New Hampshire to make a meaningful contribution to family research and parent education.

Superintendent of Schools Bob Champlin said that he was very impressed with the large turnout for Smith's visit to the Middle School, which was hosted by the Middle School PTO, and said that it marks a continuation of the school district's efforts to be pro-active when it comes to school bullying issues.

PHOTO CAPTION:

Dr. Malcolm Smith, a family life and family education specialist with the University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension Service, talked about school bullying issues at the Laconia Middle School Tuesday night. (Roger Amsden/for The Laconia Daily Sun)