Families in pain

There is so much to be sad about right now; where should we start. If your family isn't sad, disturbed or upset by what is going on in our country, you must be living in a bubble. Unfortunately, our families are being bombarded by strong outside forces which by their very nature tend to upset and drag you down. We have little control over the outside forces and this is why they are that much more disturbing.

I think we should start with the murder of George Lloyd and the subsequent outrage resulting in nationwide protests. When will America admit that we have a racism problem in this great country and commit to changing that? This is a perfect opportunity to have conversations with your children; to watch the news reports together, to educate, to teach them how to listen to the news, explaining what your values are, asking them about theirs, and what you think needs to be done. Try to get them to open up about what they see and what hurts and upsets them. These types of discussions will lower their anxieties.

Our families have also been experiencing the devastating effects of COVID-19 for the last three months. We are a nation grieving the deaths of over 100,000 Americans. We have almost become numb to the daily death toll that is announced on TV every day. I don't think we have really grasped the enormity of that loss but, if you are a living and conscious person, your life is being affected by those losses. What are you doing to deal with that pain? I heard recently that alcohol sales were up 50% - please be alert to this danger! Expressing the sadness is better than holding it in. Call a friend to share what you are feeling.

What will be the pain and effect of 13 million moms and dads filing for unemployment? What will be the pain for proud hardworking men and women who have always paid their rent on time having to go to a food bank for the first time in order to feed their families? Three months ago, many of these parents were contributing to support food banks never thinking that they would need it themselves. These events are happening all around us; we didn’t cause them; it wasn’t our fault.

We have no choice but to meet this challenge. It begins by being awake, alert and feeling. There is not only a financial crisis ahead but an emotional one as well. Our lives, our jobs, our relationships, our future plans have all been thrown into turmoil. Our hearts are broken; we are all hurt and vulnerable; our financial security and emotional happiness have been challenged, attacked and disrupted. It is normal to feel angry; so express it and channel it. It is positively beneficial to feel SAD…this is a very sad time.

I am asking you to be aware that you have been hit by a boulder and it should hurt. It has hurt everybody. I am most concerned about the more invisible injuries that might have affected your emotional well-being. I fear that some people are acting as though nothing has happened. You, your children and your grand-children have to experience this emotional pain which I will call “feeling the sadness” and not to push it away or suppress it. Get in touch with it and try to share it. I hear a lot of people saying, “I’m feeling extra tired these days, I haven’t been sleeping well lately, I’m in a fog and can’t concentrate, or I’m just feeling heavy and don’t want to do anything.” These can all be signs of depression. You don't have to have lost a family member to Covid-19 in order to feel justified to express your fears, anxieties and uncertainties. I am encouraging you to express those feelings. It is tough not to be able to visit family and friends; they bring us riches that we may have forgotten or taken for granted. You will have to find other means of communication. If you are not reaching out now, you probably need to focus on this more. People can become isolated because of visiting restrictions.

This is a very sad time for America and I would rather over-prepare people that it is OK to feel sad, cry and express it. Feel what there is to feel and it will heal you. If I can be of any further help, please contact me or continue the discussion at www.familyconsultationservices.com/articles

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Tom Power is a family relationship consultant and the author of “Family Matters: A Layperson’s Guide to Family Functioning.” You can check out his website at www.familyconsultationservices.com or email questions to changeUprogram@gmail.com.