Katie Preston's Journey Through the Holocaust- Part 3 of 3

Do you practice the Jewish faith? 

“I don’t practice any faith.  I’m a Christmas Jew,  I have a Christmas tree.  My religion is basically love.  I don’t have a religion because.…I’m Jewish by persecution, obviously, but I’m not, I can’t practice anything else because that would be betrayal to my father so I don’t… I stay out of it.  I was speaking at a Catholic college once and someone asked, “How did all this affect you, religion-wise?”   I said, “Well, when I was about 7, I was very scared of God because I figured if God allowed my father and all the other good people to be killed, he was dangerous, so I decided to keep a low profile.  And here I am.  It works, you know?

“It took me 50 years to stop hating.  I don’t hate anymore.  I have sorrow.  I don’t have forgiveness cause I don’t have the right to forgive somebody else’s death.  I don’t.  But I found that if your heart is so full of hatred there is nothing left.  There is no room, no room for anything.  I managed to very slowly empty my heart of hatred.  I have no hatred.  I have love.  I love people and I’m actually very happy believe it or not, I mean I have four wonderful sons and I have four granddaughters, and – I’m alive.  I’m one of the lucky ones.  I don’t feel sorry for myself.  I’ve had a life.

America - 2021

“The capitol riot was unbelievable.  I was down here cooking and I went upstairs to have a rest  so I turned on the television and I thought it was a performance, a show. And then I realized I’m watching CNN.  I couldn’t believe it.  Not America.  Not America.  We used to laugh at Italy, remember all the shenanigans in Italian Parliament or the Dumas where they would come to blows – but this can’t happen in America. There’s no dignity. There’s no civility. There’s no manners. There’s no brains.

“I was delighted with the outcome of the election.  I was a little bit upset, it’s such a narrow …  But I’m delighted with everything they’re doing at the moment.  I just hope they live.  How can they go back to their constituents without an army following them.  It’s horrible…to be threatened because you’re a representative of the people.  You’ve been elected. And this whole thing about fake news.  You know, it’s a little bit like the holocaust deniers.  When people say to me, “Well you know it didn’t really happen,” I say, “Well it’s the best documented genocide in the history of humankind.”  But let me tell you the kids today, they are not like that.  I’ve spoken in 75 schools, and Iet me tell you this generation is so wonderful.  They have no prejudices.  They don’t care if you’re blue, green, yellow, straight, gay. They don’t care. They’re not like the generation before.  You say to kids, “What do you want to do when you leave school?” They all talk about making the world better.  They want to change things.  They want to work on the environment.  The kids before them wanted to be famous and rich.  These kids don’t really think about that.  Money doesn’t seem to be mattering as much to them. They’re much more humanistic.  I think it’s because of the internet.  Although it does a lot of harm, it also does a lot of good because they reach each other.  They’re more aware of the world.  It’s not just me in my little village.  I have great hopes.  I’m very optimistic.

“How do we heal the pain of the people who are so angry and causing so much pain in others?

I think if we can fix the economy and make things more fair.  That might go a long way.  And if we have decent healthcare, that might go a long way -those two things.  And also, when you look at the people who were attacking the capitol, there weren’t very many young people.  Not really young men there.  They are dying out… the old white men who are so afraid of losing their power are dying out.  Those men marching in Charlottesville who don’t want the Jews to replace them will be replaced by another generation of kids that are growing up differently.  Look at all the ones who were arrested who were the big head honchos. They’re all losers, really.  None of them have education or a profession.  They all do sort of odd jobs here and there.  They’re kind of disgruntled people.  They’re not successful people and they all feel that while if it wasn’t for those immigrants, I’d be a brain surgeon.  The fact that you have to go to school to be a brain surgeon doesn’t occur to them.  They just say, “They can’t replace us!”  Yes! They can replace you- cause they have an education and they want to work! 

When you hear, “They’re taking away our rights.”  What does that say to you?

“It’s totally ridiculous to me because we have rights here.  I can stand up in a public place and say nasty things about the president without getting shot.  That is rights.  When I was speaking at one of the schools with the governor, one of the kids asked me, “Do you feel that you have freedom in this country?”  And I said, “Yes.  I can tell the governor, who’s standing next to me that I hate him today and he’s not going to shoot me.”  That’s freedom.  We have freedom.”

“When people tell me that I have the right not to wear a mask, I say, yes, you have the right not to, but you don’t have the right to kill me by not wearing a mask.

“I’m shocked this has happened to my America.  This is not my America.  This is not the country that I adopted.  When the election happened [in the 1980’s] was the first time, I felt proud to have chosen this as my home.  I came to America, not because I’m a refugee.  I wasn’t fleeing anything.   We came here because we wanted our children to grow up in a freer  place.

“I want to speak to people who don’t want to hear me. When I go to a school or an organization, I’m speaking to the choir because people agree with me.  I want to speak to the people who hate me.  And it’s a challenge.  I do believe that everybody has some humanity left.  Nobody’s born bad.  What happened to this person?  What turned them like that? And you know the fact that I’m old is almost like, like armor… because everybody has a grandmother.  There’s a liberation of getting old as a woman.  I’m not a woman anymore.  I am a person, and personhood is something very attractive to me.  And I go in as a person speaking to another person and I’m hoping to be able to connect.  I would like the last chapter of my life to be reconciliation of some form.  Healing if you like.  I would like to speak in prisons.  I don’t know if I can heal them.  I don’t know if we can even connect but I certainly have to try.  And who better than me who’s lived through it, and I’m alive.  I’m not afraid.  What can they do to me?  They can’t take away my life, I’ve already lived.  I’ve lived.”

As we say goodbye at Kati’s kitchen door, a wave of feeling washes over me.  I want to hug her, but I can’t…so we playfully bump elbows.  I drive away in silence.

As told to Gaye Fedorchak, Gilford, NH,   January 29, 2021