To The Daily Sun,
Summer has been awesome, eh? Welcome to another edition of Tea Party Potty Tricks brought to you by the Center for the Study of Absurdity. Our think-tank, now celebrating a year of bringing you the best in dismembered minds, takes great pride in serving you the filet mignon of those who don't.
First on our list is our freshest Lord of the Flies winner, 35-year police veteran Dan Page. Our Super Psychopath of the Week has been suspended and ordered into counseling, but not for shoving CNN's Don Lemon while playing Jackboots at the Ferguson, Mo., protests. An hour-long rant in front of The Oathkeepers has come to the attention of his superiors. The Oathkeepers are the far-right of the lunatic fringe so you can imagine how much we here at the center appreciate that kind of derangement.
Saint Louis Chief Berman said he "cannot endure" Mr. Page and would have fired him if it were not for established procedure. Right on, chief. In the video, Mr. Page gives us some insight into the mind of the far right because he is, after all, preaching to a much bigger choir than most realize. Homeland Security wasn't kidding about right-wing terrorists. Page states, "I personally believe the Lord Jesus Christ is my savior, but I'm also a killer. I've killed a lot and, if I need to, I will kill a whole bunch more. If you don't want to get killed, don't show up in front of me." On Muslims, he said, "They will kill you." On the Supreme Court, there are the "four sodomites." On domestic disputes, "just kill each other and get it over with." On Muslims and gays, "I'm into diversity — I kill everybody," Page is sure that "Caucasian Christians" will be arrested and sent to re-education camps. Sounds excellent to us.
Did you know that Ferguson courts issued 33,000 non-violent arrest warrants in 2013? Ferguson has a population of 21,000. Evidently, friends don't let friends drive black in Ferguson and other like places. Houston, we have a serious trajectory problem. Watch Page's diatribe at http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/23/ferguson-officer-relieved-duty-video-racist-remarks
It's midterm election time. This is the time when people are elected in 35 percent turnouts. It's when the American people don't speak up. Are you voting for a Republican? If you are, you have friends. In a leaked tape, Senator Mitch McConnell recently said in a meeting of corporatist donors, "I want to start by thanking you, Charles and David for the important work you're doing. I don't know where we'd be without you, and um, and I want (inaudible) for rallying, uh, to the cause." No Dorothy, America is not a democracy. Vote Koch Brothers.
Endtimes Newsman Rick Wiles is out in Ebola la-la-land again. Recently he spoke of how Ebola could be a good thing because it "could solve America's problems with atheism, homosexuality, sexual promiscuity, pornography and abortion." But now Pastor Rick may have had a new revelation. Ebola could give Obama an excuse to put Americans in FEMA camps and arrest Christians. Mr. Wiles warned, "We may find ourselves one day being told by soldiers, 'You can't go to church.'" Take your meds, Rick.
And Pat Robertson seems to be a little excited about ISIS. Yup, it seems an ISIS takeover of Iraq and Syria could help bring the end of the world upon us because it supposedly fits someone's biblical prophecy. And I saw Saint Christopher on a piece of toast yesterday. By the way, news has just broken that ISIS is using water-boarding on its prisoners. Don't worry, it's not torture. I have heard from Dick Cheney.
Meanwhile, back at the Bundy Ranch, one of his spawn has taken all five of his kids out of the public school system because there is a ban on carrying pocket knives on the school campuses. But a knife-wielding society is a polite society, right? Heck, give all the kids Uzis for their safety. Tots and Toys and Uzis. Intramural Automatics. The 15-year-old daughter who is entering her freshman year wants this to be resolved because she claims she "really doesn't want to be home-schooled." We're with you, girl, we're with you. Escape is good.
A while back, we saw a satire article about how Oklahoma opted out of building school shelters because it interferes with God's plan. Now for reality. In a press conference recently, officials from the Alabama Public Service Commission and the Republican National Committee argued against EPA coal plant regulations by claiming that "coal was created in Alabama by God, and the federal government should not enact policy that runs counter to God's plan."
Biblical economics is not a college course — yet, but the State of Kentucky is investing $73 million in Ken Ham's Noah's Ark Museum. Clearly on the Tony Boutin Education Plan For A Dumb America, Kentucky ranks 47th in residents with Bachelor's degrees. For those who want to know why Republican Oklahoma didn't appropriate money for school shelters, they chose tax cuts for businesses instead.
In local yokel tomfoolery, it seems that Steve Earle has become what he always wanted to be when he was a little boy: a race hustler like Bill O'Reilly of GOP TV. Mr. Earle claims that President Obama was elected because he is black. It must have been that "black privilege" thing, eh? We don't know about you folks, but we here at the center love our health care and having our soldiers brought back from Iraq. What better way to finish off this edition than with America's Bloviator-in-Chief, Rush Limbaugh? Rush blames Obama for George Bush's Great Recession and his audience will believe it.
Last Updated on Thursday, 04 September 2014 08:32
To The Daily Sun,
I am writing in support of Lisa Scott for the position of Register of Deeds for Carroll County as she is the most experienced candidate. The invaluable knowledge she gained from working in a law office for the last 35 years, specializing in all aspects of real estate matters, is what sets her apart from the other candidates.
As a title abstractor in the registry of deeds since 1977, I have personal knowledge of how important that type of experience is to effectively operate the office of Register of Deeds and effectively guide the general public.
Please vote for Lisa Scott.
Susan C. Hoople
Last Updated on Wednesday, 03 September 2014 11:20
To The Daily Sun,
Welcome back and congratulations on a job well done, Market Basket employees. We have missed you. It was with great pleasure that I stopped at Market Basket Sunday to shop and say hello to family and friends who work there. It was great to see the parking lot full of cars, the shelves stocked, the supermarket aisles bustling with shoppers, and the employees happy to be back to work.
How fitting that Market Basket is up and running again this Labor Day weekend — a cause for special celebration in appreciation of the hard-working employees who were willing to join together in solidarity and risk their jobs to fight for what's right. Thank you. Your actions will benefit everyone in our community.
As one of the New Hampshire state legislators who signed on to stand in support of Market Basket employees, I am happy that after a successful protest by both employees and customers, an amicable arrangement has been negotiated, and that Artie T will be taking back control as CEO.
MB workers, you should be proud — you have been heard. You not only made history, but have also led the way in setting an example for modern labor movements.
Rep. Ian Raymond
Belknap County District 4
Last Updated on Wednesday, 03 September 2014 11:15
To The Daily Sun,
We would like to take this opportunity to show our gratitude and thanks to this amazing community. A community who banded together, and gave of all they could to support Hope For Sofia.
A pasta dinner and silent auction was held on August 29th, and was able to raise $8,214.68. This total does not include the monetary donations that were made directly to the bank. The funds have been secured in Sofia's SMA Hope Fund at TD Bank. These funds will be used appropriately to reimburse the family for any future medical expenses that Sofia will incur.
Many thanks go out to several local business, for without your generous donations this would have not been possible. Thank you Hannaford, Fratellos, Shaws, Vista Foods, Coca-Cola, Lakes Region Party and Gift, Laconia Village Bakery, Brighter Image, Kitchen Cravings, The Winter St. Project Band, Gilford Community Church, Annie's Cafe, and TD Bank. Your donations were above and beyond.
Also, thank you to all of the business that donated goods, services, and gift cards that we were able to auction off. We did not receive a single "no" while collecting items. We are so proud to be a part of such a giving community. Thank you to all the friends, family, and people just willing to donate. You, too, were a big part of the success of this event.
Thank you all again. It has been such a blessing.
Last Updated on Wednesday, 03 September 2014 11:12
To The Daily Sun,
This letter is to state our support for Herb Vadney in the upcoming primary election on Sept. 9. Herb is a New Hampshire native and graduated UNH with a degree in mechanical engineering.
During his 28-year career in the Air Force Herb and his wife Karen lived in many different states as he served his country with distinction both here and overseas. These experiences gave him wide and deep understanding of both technical and political issues.
Now that Herb is back home in New Hampshire, representing the residents and businesses of Gilford and Meredith, we see him bring that same knowledge, leadership, initiative and sense of responsibility to Concord that he long demonstrated as an Air Force officer, and that he used so well while serving as Planning Board chairman and Meredith selectman.
As a leading member of the Science Technology and Energy Committee, Herb is enhancing our economy here in the Lakes Region and throughout the state. It is clear he respects and understands that our economy depends largely on tourism and our natural resources. We appreciate that Herb's policies on sustainable, reliable and affordable energy, respect and protection of our natural resources, and enhancement our regional and state economies.
Herb Vadney cares deeply about New Hampshire and New Hampshire's future and works very hard for your future, as well. He is open, easy to reach, and easy to talk to. Why? Because Herb cares.
Please join us in supporting Herb Vadney on Sept. 9.
Larry DeLangis, Owner
Inn on Newfound Lake
Last Updated on Wednesday, 03 September 2014 11:09