Where to hide money from a Republican? Try in a science book?

To The Daily Sun,

Where is the best place to hide money from a Republican? In a science book. That is the view of the Center for the Study of Absurdity as we bring you a special "Candid Candidates" edition of Tea Party Potty Tricks. Keeping our promise to always keep 'the stupid in the news, our opening act is top shelf stupid.

While defending coal and denying climate change last week GOP, Kentucky Sen. Brandon Smith visited the Outer Limits in a discussion in the Interim Joint Committee on Natural Resources and Environment. Here is more proof that you can hide your money in science books if there are Republicans nearby.

Mr. Smith reduced himself to smithereens with this precious gem astounding nonsense, "I won't get into the debate about climate change. But I'll simply point out that I think in academia we all agree that the temperature on Mars is exactly as it is here. Nobody will dispute that. Yet there are no coal mines on Mars. There's no factories on Mars that I'm aware of."

That beats last month's congressman without brains who claimed that global warming is a hoax because the dinosaurs went extinct without global warming. No, really!

Going from jaw-dropping to eye-rolling syncope, Republican Bob Frey, a candidate for the Minnesota House of Representatives informed us "AIDS was caused by sperm enzymes entering the anus of another male." Frey's junk science of sperm is at the base of his economic policy addressing the costly gay agenda its financial impact. You read that right. He also worked with Michele Bachmann to defeat a "profiles in learning" education program in Minnesota. (Well, that's working!)

Our biggest laughs this week were provided by Jordan Haskins, GOP candidate for the Michigan House. Mr. Haskins is presently a parolee after convictions for breaking into cars and rubbing it out while touching the ignition wires together. He calls it "cranking." Mr. Haskins now want everyone to forget his Adventures in Wankerland because he is now the self-anointed "stool of conservativism." He said that.

In a North Carolina State Senate race, Steve Wiles is trying to explain away some things. In the past he was the drag queen Miss Mona Sinclair at the Miss Gay America Pageant. We here at the Center, love the arts and we are sorely disappointed that our favorite drag queen is now running on an anti-gay marriage platform.

Our Ayn Rand Super Sociopath Award goes to John Johnston, a Republican running for the 10th Indiana House seat. Mr. Johnson boldly went where no moral or sane man goes. While speaking of those in poverty, he said, "No one has the guts to just let them wither and die." I imagine the Democrat candidate just got a poll bump.

Moving on to more mayhem and death, candidate Scott Esk of the Oklahoma Tea Party wins July's Christian Taliban Award. In a Facebook conversation about stoning gays to death, he has stated, "(stoning gays) goes against some parts of libertarianism, I realize, and I'm largely libertarian, but ignoring as a nation things that are worthy of death is very remiss." Asked to clarify, Esk continued, "I never said I would author legislation to put homosexuals to death, but I didn't have a problem with it." Not a problem in the world!

Close on Esk's theocratic heels is Jody Hice of Alabama, a Baptist minister and a talk radio host. Mr. Hice, who is running for a U.S. House seat from Georgia, is running on a religious liberty platform. Except for Islam, of course. Islam isn't a religion and First Amendment rights don't protect Muslims because Islam is political. Mr. Hice has also voiced some extreme religious notions about women that are remarkably similar to Muslim gender politics that the Christian right pretends to hate. According to Hice, it's okay for a woman to run for office as long as she is running under the authority of her husband. Christian Sharia is okay, I guess.

Since the gay marriage ban in Wisconsin was recently struck down, Karen Mueller, candidate for the 3rd District seat has some words of wisdom for the fearful and crazy. Mueller wants you to know that marriage equality will lead to incestuous marriages.

Its "Face-palm for Absurdity" time. Who can forget Answers in Genesis' (AIG) Ken Hamm? Mr. Hamm has consulted his crystal ball about space, time, matter, and energy in AIG's website section for kids section on star distances. Hamm sprinkles his fairy dust, saying, "We know from the dates God gives us in the Bible that He did create the whole universe about 6,000 years ago. When we hear the term light-year, we need to realize it is not a measure of time but a measure of distance, telling us how far away something is. Distant stars and galaxies might be millions of light-years away, but that doesn't mean that it took millions of years for the light to get here, it just means it is really far away!" BUT! millions of young Earth creationist heads have recently exploded throughout the nation as Pat Roberston told a viewer that "he had to be deaf, dumb, and blind, to think the Earth is only 6,000 years old." We agree!

Psst....Hide it in the science book.

James Veverka,

  • Category: Letters
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Quantities of all menu items being increased for Jewish Food Festival

To The Daily Sun,

Have you always wondered what good Jewish Food tastes like? Well, here is your opportunity to taste some of those delicious homemade delicacies from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. on July 20 at Temple B'nai Israel at 210 Court St. in Laconia.

Seventeen years ago, the first Jewish Food Festival in Laconia took place with only a few simple dishes. Now, there are dozens of foods made from authentic homemade recipes handed down from generation to generation.

This year, there will be meat and potato knishes (flaky dough filled with a combination of meat and potato), stuffed cabbage (cabbage leaves filled with rice, onions and ground beef, then baked in a savory tomato-based sweet and sour sauce), matzo ball soup (rich homemade chicken broth and topped with fluffy matzo balls and carrots), noodle kugel (medium width noodles cooked in a sweet cream baked custard, topped with cinnamon frosted flake crumbs.), cheese blintzes (lightly fried crepes filled with a mixture of farmers and cream cheese), potato latkes (grated potatoes and onions made into pancakes and fried), deli sandwiches stuffed with your choice of corned beef, pastrami, tongue, or beef brisket, and cold specialties such as chopped herring, chopped liver, or Israeli salad, plus a whole lot more. And to top it all off, there will be dozens of desserts, all homemade, and featuring such items as rugelach (triangles of a light cream cheese based dough filled with pecans, raisins and cinnamon, rolled into crescents and lightly baked) and both raspberry and apricot strudel.

Because of unprecedented demand last year, all quantities have been increased to try to ensure that no one is disappointed, but come early anyway... you never know how big the crowd will be this year. The event runs from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. and there will be a large tent set up for your dining pleasure. You can even shop at the Nearly New Boutique which is set up for the occasion on the temple's front lawn where you will find many treasures. All major credit cards are accepted. For more details, visit the temple website www.tbinh.org or direct your questions to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Stu Needleman


  • Category: Letters
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Pres. Obama has habit of disregarding the suffering he causes

To The Daily Sun,

The Obama-made crisis on the border could be stopped by him in hours. An executive order for the National Guard to shut the invasion off would be all it would take but Obama will not do that. Obama will hold the children hostage thinking he will force Republicans to sign his immigration reform on his terms. Once again he has miscalculated the American people, who are growing angry at this man's narcissistic disregard for the nation, the law, the Constitution and the welfare of all these thousands of children he has caused to risk their lives coming here in the care of the hardened criminals of the cartels. He obviously doesn't care even enough to visit the boarder and see the children; he has no trouble exploiting them for his own political agenda though. He seems to have a habit of disregarding the suffering he causes, everything he touches hurts people here in this country or around the world but what does he care? After all he can go golfing or play pool.

Steve Earle


  • Category: Letters
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Portion of county jail where women are housed was built in 1890s

To The Daily Sun,

Recently, my opponent in the race for Belknap County Commissioner from Laconia/Sanbornton/New Hampton proposed fixing up the old jail which, he said was built in the late 1970s. The idea is good in theory, but he was wrong on a key point. The jail was not built in the 1970s as he said. The oldest part of the jail, which is where female inmates are housed, was built in the 1890s. That area is now one big cell. But it used to be like the ones familiar from the movies: two levels of barred cells opening onto a common area. In the county jail those two tiers of jail cells have been removed. Additions were built in the 1970s and the 1980s and other renovations have been completed at various times.

I happen to like old buildings and have fixed up a number of them over the years. But one thing I've learned is that you can't predict when you can't see inside the walls.

My in-laws bought a 200-year-old farm house that needed a new kitchen. When the renovations started and they opened the walls, they found rotted termite ridden beams everywhere and a crumbling foundation collapsed as soon as a carpenter started hammering nails. That budget exploded.

A conversation I had with my friend, Linda, helped drive the point home further for me. She has a job that requires her to drive all over the state. As a frugal New Englander, she had bought an older car that got good mileage. She was happy that she had no payments to make and was willing to pay the added maintenance costs that an older vehicle requires. However, twice in the last two years her car broke down and left her stranded. Both disasters were unexpected because she had faithfully maintained the car and had the records to prove it.

Linda did the math. She ended up paying just about the same that she would have paid had she purchased a new car in the first place. So she went out and did just that. She laments having monthly payments but is okay with it because she knows exactly what her car expenses are going to be for the next five years and also feels a lot safer when she travels to remote places. Plus, the new car has valuable features the old one didn't, as well as more room for her kids.

Those lessons apply here, too. We can try to fix up this old jail with a Band-Aid here and another Band-Aid there. But professionals who have experience with this know that these incomplete fixes put our inmates and the staff who work there at risk. Plus, the classroom doubles as a hallway and is also where inmates' visitors can speak to them behind bullet proof glass.

Finally, by not doing the smart thing now we are only guaranteeing that we will all be paying a lot more down the road. That's not saving money. That's being penny-wise and dollar-foolish.

Dave Pollak


  • Category: Letters
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Marijuana arrests account for more than half of arrests nationally

To The Daily Sun,

It's all about the bottom line.

Let's start with introducing two organizations barnstorming across the U.S. opposing the growing state and federal efforts to legalize pot. Project SAM (Smart Approaches to Marijuana) co-founded by Patrick Kennedy who's been in and out of rehab because of his abuse of prescription drugs, including the painkiller OxyContin. The second is the Community Anti-Drug Coalition of America (CADCA), one of the largest such organizations in the country.

Here's Mr. Kennedy addressing this group back in February: "Let me tell you, there is nothing more inconsistent with trying to improve mental health and reduce substance-abuse disorders in this country than to legalize a third drug." Great, spoken like an ex-politician that has been bought and paid for by the pharmaceutical industry which by the way is profiting the most by the anti-pot lobby.

Some advocates of marijuana legalization have criticized Kennedy's crusade against pot. The former congressman received many second chances in his struggle with alcohol and prescription drugs, yet he has opposed any move toward marijuana decriminalization that would afford similar leniency to others. Let's be perfectly clear, prescription opioids, a line of pain-relieving medications derived from the opium poppy or produced synthetically, are the most dangerous drugs abused in America, with more than 16,000 deaths annually linked to opioid addiction and overdose.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more Americans now die from painkillers than from heroin and cocaine combined. It's also interesting to note that there are no known deaths related to marijuana, although there have been instances of impaired driving.

Lee Fang, a San Francisco based journalist puts it this way: "The opponents of marijuana-law reform argue that such measures pose significant dangers, from increased crime and juvenile delinquency to addiction and death. But legalization's biggest threat is to the bottom line of these same special interests, which reap significant monetary advantages from pot prohibition that are rarely acknowledged in the public debate."

A recent poll of police officers found that nearly two-thirds believed marijuana laws should be reformed. In the old days during Prohibition the police and judges got their money in brown paper bags. Today they get their money through legitimate, systematic programs run by the federal government — hence their lobbying efforts to fight every reform.

In Minnesota there was an effort to pass a medical marijuana bill earlier this year and was met with a police lobby backlash because there was a concern about losing federal grants tied to drug enforcement laws. It's all about the War on Drugs, you know.

The ACLU reports that marijuana arrests account for more than half of all drug arrests nationally. Of course this keeps the private prisons well stocked to a point that the prison system has become the new cottage industry. By no means am I advocating marijuana use. However, when CADCA and the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids have adopted a hard-line approach to marijuana, opposing even limited legalization and supporting increased police powers and when the anti-pot interests, many of whom have a financial stake in the status quo — including law enforcement agencies, pharmaceutical firms, and nonprofits funded by federal drug-prevention grants — one can't help being a bit skeptical.

George Maloof

  • Category: Letters
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