To the Daily Sun,
The head of Yale Business School has recently said what many of us already know; Carly Fiorina's denial of reality is nearly psychopathic. Whether its her business record or the videos she claims she viewed, none of it is true. Welcome to a Schadenfreude Edition of Tea Party Potty Tricks brought to you by the Center for the Study of Absurdity where we keep the stupid in the news. As you know, for over two years now, we have offered more flavors of vacuity than Ben & Jerry's has ice cream.
First up this time is Kevin McCarthy who really messed up and round about admitted the obvious. We just didn't think anyone was honest enough to admit that the Benghazi hearings have never been anything but a political smearing strategy. Its nice to hear a politician tell the truth. Jockeying for pathological liars of the week are right wing Christian bigots Kim Davis and her attorneys who posted a 200,000-strong Peruvian prayer meeting image claiming it was for her and that she had a private meeting with the pope who supported her religion fueled bigotry. Neither are true. There was no private meeting.
On tap for the most deluded Americans this week are the ones who claim gun-free zones are the problem. To the anarchistic gun-nutter world it would be so cool to check out everyone's guns and ammo whenever you shop at Walmart, Market Basket, or, yes, buy new sneakers. There would be competitions between businesses regarding who has the patrons with the biggest guns or the biggest baddest clips. And they could be like Burger King with playgrounds; your kiddies could play at shooting ranges with semi-autos that blast testosterone inflating armor piercing bullets while you shop. And everyone would feel safe because as we all know, an armed society is a polite society. Isn't American exceptionalism great? Over in Norway, imprisoned right-wing mass murderer of 72, including 68 unarmed kids, wants a PlayStation 3 or else. The anti-immigrant psychopath, of which we all know there are many in our own land, has threatened a hunger strike if his demands are not met. Now's your chance, Norway!
We here at the Center admit our mistakes and we want to congratulate John Boehner on finally creating a job. Kudos, John, we were wrong. Did you hear what Mitch McConnel did to Ted Cruz? That old Kentucky coot boxed Cruz out and they had clean votes that prompted Cruz to have a senatorial tantrum. The Dunce of Blabber now faces irrelevancy in the Senate. In fact, Rand Paul told Fake News that Cruz had become worthless to the people of Texas. Poor little Teddy Taliban.
That Jesus fellow has been in the local letters lately. It appears that old coot McCoole threw his toys on the floor after a Scott Cracraft letter. Enraged, he said. So our crack team of journalists did some fact checking and found that there is not one contemporary source verifying the historicity of this person. Tacitus was born in 56CE, Josephus in 39CE, and none of the epistles or gospels were written until several decades after the alleged events. So clearly, after looking at the historical evidence, we give the New Testament a pants on fire until further notice. We would also like to welcome Joe Higgins to the editorial staff of the Sun since he has taken upon himself the responsibility of deciding what a disservice to the Sun is. What? He isn't on the staff? Trick or Treat!