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GOP being coached on how to emotionally connect with women

To The Daily Sun,

Welcome to the Holidaze Edition of Tea Party Potty Tricks. We here at the Center for the Study of Absurdity have been in hot debate over what to put in this edition. It seems that just December alone has enough right wing nutters to fill an encyclopedia. Shall we start? Unlike Rand Paul, John Boehner seems to have awaken from his somnambulist state because he is fed up with the wack-o-birds in his party. This kind of entertainment is rare from the speaker but he has heartened us all with his railings against the tools.

After a year of trying to make something destructive for Obama out of Solyndra, ATF Gunwalking, the IRS, and Benghazi, the right wing finally got a prize: CBS received Poynter's "Error of the Year" award for its lying Benghazi expose on 60 Minutes. Ta-dah! In California we saw more of what we can expect from those afflicted with Obama Derangement Syndrome when Republicans, fresh from a class on "How to be a Good Republican", launched a fake health care site for the purposes of confusion. Speaking of psychoses, N.C. Senator Bob Rucho recently tweeted that "Justice Robert's pen and Obamacare has done more damage to the USA then the swords of the Nazis, Soviets and terrorists combined." Stupid is what stupid says! Let's not forget that our very own Pharisaical lunatic Bill O'Brien claimed that Obamacare was worse than the Fugitive Slave Act.

But let's be honest, those diminished individuals aren't even in the same league as our "Is He On PCP?" prize winner, Everest Wilhelmsen of the "Christian American Patriots Militia", who called for assassinating President Obama on Facebook. Now we all know the tea party wouldn't know the Constitution from an outhouse newspaper but this Neanderthal actually said the Constitution gives him the right. His post starts out like this: "We know have the authority to shoot Obama, i.e. to kill him". But let's not stop there! N.H. lawmaker J.R. Hoell (R-Dunbarton) told an interviewer just the other day that armed rebellion may be necessary if Scott Brown got elected in N.H.!

Steve Earle's hero, Donald Trump is back again birthing his own petards for our amusement. His latest is that there is something fishy about why the only person who died in a plane crash was the person who verified Obama's birth certificate. Heck, that's nothing; conservative tool Jim Garrow claims Obama also murdered mad-hatter Andrew Breitbart and novelist Tom Clancy. Boink-boink!

We can't have absurdity without mentioning the latest in the Republicans and women. Politico reports that Republicans are being "coached" on how to talk to women regarding the war on women? Iowa Senate candidate Mark Jacobs told WHO-TV's David Price that, "I think you have to connect with women on an emotional level". Hilarious, eh? BWA!

Well that's all we have the space for today but stay tuned. God, John Demakowski and this paper willing, part 2 of our Holidaze edition will be hot off the presses soon. We will delve into the latest crazy in science, society and religion. Its really rich lately!

James Veverka

Tilton

 
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